As I have been spending a shameful amount of time lying in my hammock on my front stoop, I have been thinking about some great, though unexpected, life lessons I have learned. My fellow Americans... This is how to...
Prepare Pollo Indio
1) Catch the little sucker and slice his throat.
2) Hang him up by his feet and let the blood drain out.
3) Boil a big pot of water, and bring it to your pila.
4) Sharpen your best knife.
5) Get your chicken down and put him in the hot water to soften the feathers. Remove the head and toss it aside.
6) Start plucking.
7) Once all the feathers are taken out, run the lil fella over the fire to burn off any pesky extra plumage.
8) Chop off the feat, and open up the back in so your hand will fit in there.
9) Take out all the guts, saving the heart, liver, and whatever that other thing is that looks meaty. Toss the rest.
10) Turn your attention to the neck. Pull out the breathing and fooding tubes. Watch out, Dry kernels of corn might come popping out, if you caught the guy post breakfast.
11) Wash the fella down, and chop him into appropriate portions: Legs, breasts, wings, back, etc.
Enjoy your many hours laying in the Hammock, even though you feel useless.
1) Read and try to keep your eyes open, and when that fails...
2) Use a little of the precious battery you have in your iPod and switch it on to these songs, my approved hammock playlist:
- Regina Spektor "Two Birds," "Samson," and "Us"
- Rush "LimeLight"
- Avett Brothers "The Greatest Sum"
- The Middle East "Blood"
- Beyonce "Single Ladies"
- Nickel Creek "Why Should the Fire Die?"
- Simon and Garfunkel "America"
- Devil Makes Three "Gracefully Facedown"
- WolfMother "Vagabond"
- Ray LaMontagne "Jolene"
1) Put your sweaty, dirty, nasty clothes you´ve let accumulate for far too long into a large huacal full of water and powdered detergent. I like Xedex, personally.
2) Rest for awhile in your hammock, or clean your pila if it is looking a little scummy. Just give the soap a little time to work.
3) Get out your rolling soap, tie your hair back and pull out your first article of clothing. Lay it on the pila surface.
4) Roll the soap over the clothes and add a little water from a small huacal. Note: You scoop the water up and turn your hand in towards your wrist, not to the side. This is how every woman here does it... It makes a difference, apparently.)
5) With your dominant hand, grab the part of the clothing furthest from you and with your other hand, hold the other end in place.
6) Move your dominant hand (with the fabric still in it, of course, this isn't voodoo) in a rowing sort of direction, rubbing the fabric over itself, over and over again.
7) Do this over all the parts of the clothing, paying special attention to the armpits, and collar, etc.
8) You may need to employ a scrub brush for thick material or particularly stubborn stains.
9) Socks are a totally different story. I reccommend that next time you move to a dusty developing nation, you bring black running socks, not white ones. Live and learn.
Pick Mangos from big tall trees
1) Find a big, long stick. Bamboo, perhaps.
2) Find Mango tree.
3) Buy yourself a 2 liter bottle of Salva cola (it's said to be smoother than either Coke of Pepsi, and it was made in El Salvador. Plus, you're chances of finding a 2 Liter of Coke Zero in your caserio are slim to none, unfortunately)
4)Drink the soda, on ice. (if you don't know how to make ice, look at someone else's site, because I sure as shit can't tell you) If you're currently living without electricity, like I am, go buy a little baggie of it.
5) Cut a big hole in the side of the bottle. A Mango-sized hole. Make sure the top and bottom of the bottle stay attached.
6) Attach the bottle to the end of the pole. Wire, Tape, String... whatever works.
7) Raise the bottle end of the stick up into the tree, and, once you find the mango you desire, get it into the hole in the bottle.
8) Once it´s in there, gently thrash and pull to break the vine. The mango will sit in the bottle safely and you can lower it down and enjoy. Here, if you're Salvadoran, you'll eat it like an apple, skin and all. If you're me, and you don't like all that stringy mango in your teeth, you'll still cut them and eat them the way your Mom taught you. If your mom never taught you, read here.
