Las Salvadoreñas

Over the last month and a half that I have been in site, I feel like I have made some really great friends. Despite all the complaining I may do about the more annoying cultural exchanges I come across (little kids screaming Niña griiinnggaaa at my in the street, the trash everywhere, that stupid Destinas song all the kids sing over and over, and the millions of times my family shout ¨¡Yessy!!¨for no reason every day) I really enjoy myself most of the time and about 99 percent of all the people with whom I spend that time.

Anyway. I was spending time with one of my friends at the river yesterday, helping her wash clothes. We were chatting and gossiping about all the family that had collected at our houses for a big dinner that one of the husbands was putting together as a treat for all the mothers.

We got to talking about romance in El Salvador.

During training the females were given a talk about the roadbumps of dating Salvadoran men. What we heard was that they are all cheaters, liars, schemers, and really good at it. If we wanted to date Salvadoran men, we were told, chances are, it will be a good idea to also see a therapist to keep yourself in check. Shit show.

It turns out that Salvadoran women have the same things to say about the men they date, marry and have children with.

While talking with my friend I was told that she herself had been cheated on at least three times over the course of her 10 year relationship. The first time she knows of was when her first children, twins, were only a few weeks old. While she said she left him for awhile, she always went back, usually for the sake of her kids. With each act of infidelity she looses whatever trust she has in him, and always looses the close female friend he had the affair with.

She then told me about almost every other Salvadoran married man I have met here. Each of them have had other women. They sold all the family cows to pay for a marriage with another woman, leaving their life partners and children with nothing, then come back home without a cent and are given pardon. Another was caught with a ¨carmela¨by his wife and he kicked her in the stomach, just a month after she had a cesarian. One works in town and has several ladies on the side. On the rare occasion he takes his family into town, the windows stay up, despite the heat, and she still hasn´t found out.

Depite all the crap these women put up with, they don´t really do much to stop it. The men who are caught cheating still get their food brought to them three times a day by their patient wives. The women who know that their friends are being cheated on don´t say a word to the women.

We packed up the kids and the clothes and walked back to the house. All the mothers had spent the day cooking the meal that is a gift to them. The women served up the food to the kids and to the husbands and then sat down to the gift of food they prepared.

Some of the mothers were suprised by gifts from their children and husbands. Others, my friend included, did not.

After a few words were said, and Don Jorge, the patriarch of the family, recited a poem for the mothers, the ladies played a round of musical chairs. They laughed and danced and shoved and had a good time and the winner got a gift bag.

This morning they were all still talking about the wonderful party. They thought it was a great mother´s day gift. I suppose it appealed to their nature. They cooked a meal and fed everyone more than they needed, they forgave their husbands for not getting them a little gift, and then enjoyed gossiping about everyone that had left while cleaning up the mess.